do you think rape survivors are strong? i do. when a girl my age told me she was raped by her father, and given alcohol and smokes and stuff by him and made to keep it secret, everything i felt was so incredible, this great power of emotion and understanding - the fact she drunk all the time, took drugs, did all the rest of this shit didnt really seem to matter - anyhow i know this is weak on my behalf, but i want to be a rape survivor as well. i'm a virgin and im really shy and i dont know anyone. i can easily not be shy when im drunk but i want to be raped. i want to say i've been through that, and the trauma of keeping it secret and i want it to be MY STORY - MY LIFE - my truth. i became a bit obsessed with her, how dark she was, and i want to experience it - i know people must think "you would think differently if it happened..." but i cant stop fantasizing about it, i walk late at night, im trying to find people who would rape a seventeen yr old shy girl and yeah... those are my... supposedly "dark" thoughts.